The Emotional Restraint of Regret


Hi, Ducklings!! I’ve missed you all & hope you've been having a great work week (if you’re in shift 3/3 or 4/4, KEEP. ON. GOING)!

Today’s topic is something that I’ve personally been struggling with a lot lately, and I think it’s something that a lot of you can also identify with. I want to talk about “Regret” by describing it as an “Emotional Restraint.” (I’m a psych nurse, what can I say? Gotta love these nursey metaphors!)

But seriously, that’s what it feels like.

Lately, I’ve been struggling with feeling REGRETFUL about decisions I’ve made. If I made a decision, I would be gung-ho about it for a week or so, then when something happens or something comes up that I didn’t foresee happening (because, you know, we can all see into the future), I go into my self-pitying, regretting mode.

And then I’ll want to change my mind about my decision.

I’ll regret that I made the decision and will want to back-track. (Does this sound like you?) I get this idea in my mind that “What I did before is soooo much better than what I’m doing now, I shouldn’t have gone for X, Y, Z!” and I’ll be literally running around in a hamster ball of regret. (Yes, a hamster ball — because it’s cute, and I used to have a hamster. And it would just run around, bump into things, and go nowhere.)

Personally, my indecision has been focused on my business (The Nurse Weight Loss Coach, LLC). I am committed to empowering nurses with the tools they need to manage their minds in order to lose weight permanently! It’s been such a fun ride getting my business up and running, reaching out to nurses everywhere, and teaching so many nurses how to take FULL control over their weight loss and their mismanaged minds. I was 100% gung-ho about doing this business. I was SO proud that I started this because nurses need this support! And my life has literally been transformed by the tools that I teach.

But then, regret sinks in.

And it seeps into your brain (like a seed buried in the dirt).

And then it grows into a weed that just keeps growing bigger, and bigger.

  • Charmaine, you shouldn’t have created this business.

  • Charmaine, you could have been more successful doing something else.

  • Charmaine, you aren’t cut out for this. Try out that other business idea you had — that seems to have a lot more potential for growth.

Are you constantly feeling shame, regret, and overwhelm over your weight loss?

And’s it just this never-ending personal barrage of criticism that would just crash down on me at FULL force. I literally felt tied down by these thoughts, as if I was emotionally restrained and caught in this web of negativity. It felt like I couldn’t loosen its grip, and that I had no choice but to surrender to those thoughts and GIVE UP and try something else (because, obviously what I’m doing now isn’t going to be successful!). And I almost believed those thoughts.

But here’s where the magic comes in — every single feeling you have comes from a thought.

Every. Single. Feeling.

No matter how “serious” it seems, how “stuck” you are, or how “emotionally restrained” you feel.

Because the truth of the matter is that I was allowing these negative thoughts to run the show and take charge over my brain. The regret came in because I stopped taking ownership for what I was thinking. Instead, I chose to regret my business choices, I chose to criticize myself, and I chose to think about every single negative thing that I’m doing, and that’s why I’m a worthless human being!

So how did I release my emotional restraints? How did I stop feeling the regret and choose to start feeling differently about my exact same situation?

Here’s my step-by-step process:

  1. I paid close attention to my mind & body
    I knew something was up when I was getting irritated at work and frustrated with every little thing that came up for me at the shift. I sensed something was wrong, so I started paying attention. I asked myself, “What am I feeling right now, and why?”

  2. I separated the facts from the drama
    I explicitly (and intentionally) took 2 minutes of my time to ask myself:
    What are the facts?” &
    What is my mind being dramatic about?
    Once I separated the two, I was more clear about how my mind was creating drama for me about a COMPLETELY neutral situation

  3. I decided to QUIT changing my mind.
    Like, it’s not even an option anymore. I firmly decided that I’m going ALL IN on my business, and that there was NO choice to change my mind whatsoever. That I’m going to keep going, and keep moving forward, no matter WHAT comes up.

For tips on how to quit changing your mind, check out Step #2 in my Busy Nurse’s 10-Step Guide to Permanent Weight Loss!

NOTHING is more freeing than being untethered by your mind drama. Your mind drama is what will keep you unfocused, confused, overwhelmed, exhausted, and downright hopeless. And the only way to be untethered, unattached, and unrestrained to your mind drama is to ACKNOWLEDGE and KNOW that it is drama to begin with (and it is not you, or who you are, or who you want to be)!

Charmaine PlatonComment